Closing Time

As we’re turning off the lights in our house tonight — possibly, probably the last night these walls will hear peace and quiet for another decade at least — I feel the need to pinch myself.

Is it really here?

In the past 21+ months I’ve discovered the send/receive button on my email — and used it. Frequently. I’ve stalked the mailman, made friends with bank tellers, and learned to find out quickly if someone is a notary. I contacted my congressman …and my senator. And, even more recently, I’ve become reacquainted with 3 o’clock in the morning. This time without diet coke and class notes.

Most imporantly, I’ve found God. Again and again and again.

Sometimes in an instant and other times days later … but never late. I wouldn’t trade this time for the world and, if anything, I’m having difficulty searching Him out in the midst of blessing. I read the last chapter of Job today. How did he feel when God gave him twice as much as he had in the first place?

It’s awkward. This new place of blessing. I’ve gotten comfortable in the trial, if I can say that. My turnaround time from disappointment has lessened. I’ve had a taste — even if ever so small — of His goodness when all else fails.

So as we pray tonight that there would be no hindrances to retrieving the news of Eden’s TB test results in the next 8-10 hours (and that those results would be clear), I am convinced that if they weren’t — even in my darkness — His presence would be thick. And you know, once you have a moment in that presence …pretty much everything else pales in comparison.

Nonetheless, we move forward with expectancy that our car — now crammed full of bags that have been packed and unpacked several times so as to meet the exact weight limit — will be pulling out of our little neighborhood tomorrow morning. And just as I have found Him when my hope was waning and my vision impaired, I am certain I will find Him when all seems to be well.

Although we’ll try to post tomorrow afternoon and then while in Ethiopia, no news may very well mean good news. For those of you who are friends with Nate on facebook, we’ve heard this is a great way to keep family/friends up to speed with our travels. It works in Ethiopia. (And no this isn’t a ploy for Nate to get more facebook friends. At least I don’t think.)

For those of you burning the midnight oil, please pray tonight for our sweet child Eden. That she would march with zest into that medical facility and show those people her healthy little self. Pray also that there wouldn’t be an obstacles to us getting the word.

We’ll post something in the morning.

The Eleventh Hour

Please pray that God would make the path to these children straight and clear in the next 24 hours. Sometime between the hours of midnight tonight and 9am tomorrow, Eden will have her Tuberculosis test read.We’d love your prayers that she would have no signs of TB and even that the results would not show a false positive (which would require more testing and delay).

We had a friend in May who prayed specificically that, unlike the first 18 months of our adoption process, this last segment would be smooth and quick. We had our court date 3 days early and passed. We got our birth certificates and the children’s passports in record time. We were assigned our embassy date a day before expected and we were assigned the exact date (July 15th) that we’d been praying for since early May. This was the one we’d prayed for even before we had a court date.

Only God could do these things.

We will likely be en route to DC with bags packed and passports in hand when we get the news. Unless He decides to show Himself a little early

The beauty of sailing through what should/could be a tenuous process is that throughout the beginning of our adoption process, we’ve seen Him allow delay after delay after delay … and even then we couldn’t deny that He was so good and so faithful. The God in times of plenty and in times of want doesn’t change who He is.

And us?

We are prepared for the 11th hour response. Our bags are packed. Our preparations have been made. We’re sleeping in our clothes, so to speak, and just waiting for the call to come.

And…if we hear what we hope to hear–we’re hopping on that plane at 2PM tomorrow!

More Celebratin’

I can’t wait to tell Caleb and Eden about the small army that came together to bring them home. I wonder if one day I’ll get to see what the “prayers of the saints” looked like from heaven on behalf of my children.

Here are a few pics of friends and family who have been helping us celebrate!

A Shower Put On By Some Local Friends…

The set-up was classy and the sweet treats were right up my alley.

Our friend, Liz, who visited with our children while in Ethiopia was able to make it!

Hostesses with the mostest.

The Baker kids … friends who are more like family.

And Another in Ohio With Family & Friends …

The setting was beautiful.

My sis and me.

Dear college friends who joined in the family fun.

The hostesses and me.

The day just wouldn’t have been complete without my niece, Maddy.

Just Because We Like Adventure…

We got confirmation today that our embassy date will be July 15th … sort of.

All of our paperwork is in line. We have their birth certificates and passports. The only pending piece is Eden’s TB test. They are giving her this test tomorrow and the results will be read on Monday morning (Sunday night, EST).

So…we booked the flights we had on hold — leaving from Washington DC on Monday afternoon. With this itinerary we’ll spend a few days in Italy en route to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and be united with our children next Saturday.

Assuming there are no power outages or delays in communication we’ll get the call from our agency while we’re on the road to the DC airport, confirming the results of Eden’s TB test. We of course can re-schedule our flights should the test results come out positive, however we are plowing ahead in faith that our little girl is just fine. (Our coordinator in Ethiopia said he is confident she will pass. We like that ). But even so–would you pray with us that Eden passes this TB test with flying colors?

Nothing like finding out at 11:00am if you can go ahead and check-in for that flight leaving at 2pm.

While my tone in this post may sound a little flat, to the contrary I have been overcome with joy. It’s just … at the moment my kitchen has been taken over by sippy cups and my husband has become an assembly slave. We’re both up an hour and a half past our bed time and slowly realizing this exhaustion may become the new normal.

I can’t end this post, though, without the story that has made my week.

Last night I was up at 3:30am. I’ve been praying that God would begin to transition our children’s bodies to our time zone, but I think He may have heard me wrong as I’ve seen 3:30am more times than I’d like in the past few weeks.

Just after I woke up, I got a text from my friend Kerry, who is actually IN Ethiopia now picking up her daughter Grace. It was providential. Eventually we connected on the phone and she told me about her experience with our children.

According to Kerry, Eden didn’t stop smiling the whole time she was at the orphanage. This is consistent with what we continue to hear from moms who have met her–that Eden is quite the little fireball.

And Caleb … well, when she got there, he was carrying around the picture book we sent him. Holding it close. Kerry said he was quite reserved and, unlike his big sis, didn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t show his own pearly whites. The only time she saw him crack a smile was when she took the picture book from his hand and opened it to my picture. She said “that’s your mommy” and my little guy … well … he smiled.

Happy Belated Birthday, Caleb!

Our house is beginning to show signs of a new era. Bins of child paraphernalia have replaced what once was the storage space for our DVDs, photo albums and flower vases. My clutter-free existence is getting crowded with hand-me-downs and donations for the orphanage that have been flooding in. They are coming …

Today we got their birth certificates. They read:

Asnake Nathan Hagerty

&

Meskerem Nathan Hagerty

They have our name. Ethiopian convention puts the father’s name as their middle and last name. While this is only temporary until we change their names to Eden Meskerem Hagerty and Caleb Asnaka Hagerty, reading this text on the page stirred us both.

Caleb’s birthday is June 10th, 2007. The same as my mom’s.

Eden’s birthday is September 25th, 2005. The same as my sister’s and my grandfather’s.

(Ethiopians don’t celebrate birthdays so it is likely these dates were assigned somewhere in the adoption process as a necessary requirement for a birth certificate.)

Think the Lord knew that before they were born they were destined to be ours?

So You’re Saying There’s a Chance?

We got word today that the birth certificates are in process and they hope to have the children’s passports by July 2nd. Pending this and a negative TB test for Eden, we are on our way.

If things progress as we hope they will — we will have 4 day’s notice before we hop on a plane to go halfway around the world to meet the newest Hagertys.

According to our agency, there is a “75% chance” we will travel for a July 15th embassy date. Not sure how they come up with these percentages … we’re just thrilled there’s a chance we’re going to meet our babies in a few weeks!

And me? I am totally overwhelmed.

Not with packing or shopping or preparing …to be honest it’s easier to do those things than it is to soak in all that’s unfolding before me.

I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God; his kindness.

Years ago I read in the book of Revelation about the “four living creatures” who went before the throne of God and never stopped saying “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty”, it seemed so strange to me …was that necessary? Didn’t they get bored? Surely there are more sensical ways to thank or worship God.

Now, years later, after having walked a road that only God intimately knows and only God fully understands I find myself waking up whispering in the night … Holy, Holy, Holy. Strange as it may sound, that’s all I can sometimes say. This journey–whose end we’re now close to nearing–has just been so charged with the grandeur of God.

I’ve sat down to post about a dozen times and come up blank. Even my own personal journal has shorter entries and more blank pages than ever before. How can I put words to this encounter we’ve had with God along the way?

Maybe now I can understand the repetition of that simple phrase in heaven. Sometimes, words just can’t quite express.

“Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come.” Revelation 4:8

Thank you, Lord. They’re almost home…

The Home Stretch

We have hopes to travel the second week of July but before we get the “go ahead” to get on that plane we have a few more hurdles to overcome …

…Eden will need to pass the Tuberculosis test that is required by the US Embassy for all children over 2. They first do a skin test and if that test is positive they will then do an x-ray. If the x-ray shows positive they will then do a culture. If the culture is positive (and it’s my understanding it takes 6 weeks to get those results back), she will need to stay in Ethiopia for six months to get treatment.

We are praying that she would test negative from the start — on the skin test. Any point where she needs to get further testing delays us from bringing our children home. Please pray with us that she shows no signs of TB at any step.

….The courts will issue birth certificates and an adoption decree. Right now they are rationing power in Ethiopia and we’ve been told it’s more like a 2 or 3 day work week for our agency’s coordinator given these limitations. We are praying that there are no errors on their paperwork and that these birth certificates come in over the next few days.

…Once the above two things come together, we will be assigned an embassy date. Our agency is assigned embassy dates every other Wednesday. Right now we have a possibility of a July 15th or a July 29th embassy date (or, of course, later if there is any hold up in the above two steps).

When the embassy date comes in, we get to make that glorious call to the travel agent and book our flights!

We would LOVE for all of this to come together this week or next but realize we may only have a few days notice before traveling. We’re packing as if we’ll be leaving July 6th and praying that there are no glitches that will prevent us from bringing these children home sooner than soon.

Bottom line: it ‘aint over ’til its over … and, yet again, now is no time for us to relent in prayer. Now more than ever I can struggle with getting lost in the tasks required to bring them home and forget that the real work is done in prayer. Top on my master “to do” list is to ask that He would give my little ones and their case favor. He has blessed us abundantly and I don’t doubt that the next few weeks are only opportunity for more revelation of His glory as we wait.

Lord, bring them home…

Trees that Weep and the People Who Prune Them

My to do list is unending, yet somehow I found time today to spend just under 2 hours pruning our weeping cherry. I discovered last week that the branches growing out of the top of our weeping cherry were instead an entirely different tree that should have been pruned a year or two ago.

I’m embarrassed to describe what I did to prune this thing back to the original tree (and thankful that 2 of my five neighbors in our cul-de-sac were out of town so they didn’t see it). I’m only glad I waited until Nate left to do this…as I don’t think he would have allowed it under his watch.

While I was hoisting myself up on one of the branches so as to use my body weight to dislodge it from the trunk I did wonder if the online description of how to prune a weeping cherry had this step in it.

I haven’t yet told Nate that in a moment of sheer desperation I used his power drill. I was scrounging around the garage to find anything with power that would give my arms a rest from the hand saw. It turns out, however, that pushing both legs against the tree while pulling down on the branch worked a lot better than the drill bit.

By the end I had no shame as to what my neighbors must have been thinking …I was going on pure adrenaline of weeks, months and years of waiting on this adoption. The thought did cross my mind while I was furiously sawing through one of the mature branches: If I cut off a finger … will the U.S. immigration department require that I get a new set of fingerprints before we pick up the children?

What was left at the end of this little diversion is fairly close in stature to the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. The branches in a heap behind our house amount to more than the ones left behind on the tree. I’ve separated the wheat from the chaff so to speak and by the end I’m not sure which tree got to stay and which had to go.

So this is my life. I have had moments in the past few weeks where I have been very measured and rational about all the life changes on the horizon …but the fact that I’ve had to replace tissue boxes in every room this past week is probably an indication that my emotions are starting to reflect the weight of responsibility coming our way.

This thing — this exceptionally long gestation period — is going to end in a family. My family.

And as friends have so graciously been telling us, we have no idea what we’re getting ourselves into.

So in between cries to God for mercy …

…I have been focusing my energies on the non-urgent, non-important items in my life.

Getting Showered

One of the greatest blessings of this adoption process has been the overwhelming love and support we’ve felt …through every stage. At times I’ve even thought “our friends are more excited than we are.” And this thought not at all to illustrate that we lacked excitement.

Here are a few pics from a shower that friends from church through for little Caleb and Eden:

Linda’s home looked amazing …

And healthy food to boot!

I couldn’t help but cry reading some of the cards (I think my tear ducts have reached Guinness-record capacity)…

Thank you to Linda, Maddy, Molly, Beth & Holly for all you put into this …and to all the fun ladies who came to celebrate with us. Words are insufficient to express how grateful we’ve been for your love and kindness.

The Next Phase of Waiting

We both keep catching the other drifting in and out of E & C’s room. A few times each day I walk in there. Sometimes to pray, others to straighten the clothes in the closet (in case, of course, when our air conditioning kicks in it blows really hard against the clothes and they shift), still others to pull a book or two off the shelf to browse through. (It’s an accomplishment that I have kept myself from alphabetizing the books by author. It is a kids’ room, right?)

Nate has sneaked up on me color-coding Eden’s clothes and I’ve caught him raising and lowering the blinds he installed.

These babies are comin’ and I think both my husband and I are about to pop. In fact, I even think I noticed his ankles swelling the other day.

All over the house, not just in their room, there is evidence of this chrysalis. Next to our kitchen table is a little kiddy table. In our sitting room there is a worn-in children’s toy chest I inherited from my sweet neighbor. To the right of my desk, an adorable see-saw I was given at a shower.

So, what next? What’s holding us back from getting on a plane tomorrow and getting those children?

Right now our paperwork from court is being processed and our children are getting their birth certificates issued. Simultaneous to this, Eden will be getting a tuberculosis test (that I’ve referenced earlier). Once she passes this test (we are praying she will!) and our paperwork is processed we are issued a date that we are to appear at the US Embassy in Ethiopia.

We have heard of frequent power outages in Ethiopia as of late which is causing a delay in processing the paperwork and a delay in administering the tuberculosis tests (potentially). We are praying, praying, praying for a July 15th embassy date (right now our options appear to be July 15th or July 29th), however in order to travel so soon and with all the delays it may mean that we have only a few days notice before getting on that plane. (Nate is hoping for this as he figures the less notice I have the less I will pack.)

So, we’re packing now as if Eden will pass the tubercolisis test and we’re planning as if all our paperwork will be in line for us to have a July 15th embassy date. This is a bit of a stretch but for various reasons — not the least of which is that we want to bring these children home to their mom and pop — we are asking God to bless us as He did with our court date …and send us there without a hitch! Sooner than soon!

In the meantime, we’ll continue wearing in the carpet on the other end of the hallway as we tread in and out of that joyous little room. It’s about time we establish some new traffic patterns in this house-built-for-more-than-2!

An Oldie, But a Goooooodie

I hardly ever post here, as Sara does such a beautiful job of expressing what’s in both of our hearts. And when I do, it’s often just to sort of “poke my head in” and rile things up.

Well, as Sara and I wait on our travel details, for some reason I was reading our *very* old posts. We’ve been in this journey so far for about 19 months…which really is longer than the majority of families who adopt from Ethiopia.

But without going into all the details, we’ve seen just a few glimpses of the goodness of God in the delays…enough that we’re already grateful for how He’s walked with us. I’m sure, in a day very distant from now, we’ll see even more of His reasoning. Until then, we’re content.

Anyway, I was browsing some of what we wrote about back in the beginning of our journey, during the fall of 2007, and I came upon this post. What caught my attention was the one comment on the post was from a local friend of ours who watched the video we shared … now they’re adopting from Ethiopia too!

Well, the video itself is just, frankly, worth posting again. We don’t know the family who brought these boys home, but it’s such a beautiful picture of what Ethiopian adoption is–who knows? Perhaps you’ll have a moment like our friend did…and join us in this journey?

Regardless, it’s a beautiful snapshot. Enjoy. (there’s about a 25 second sort of “blank” DVD menu-type screen at the beginning]

And pray with us for our beautiful Eden and sweet Caleb – we have a few more things that need to fall into place before we can travel. We can’t post pictures until then, so perhaps you’re incentivized alongside us to pray that we’d travel soon!

Unsearchable Greatness

I almost haven’t been able to go near the magnitude of what has transpired over the past few days. “Thank you” seems hollow. We’ve done nothing to deserve this participation in His rescue of these two, yet He has invited us in.

I’ve been spinning. Reeling. Twirling. Jumping. Dancing.

Months ago at the height of the pain of waiting, Nate suggested we push back the furniture and dance ... we’re going to dance on our trials. Yet again, our couch is up against the wall. But this time under different circumstances.

And the fact that this all came early, well it only adds to the thrill — I think He wanted to show Himself able. It’s as if I’m Sarah in the Old Testament and he’s just told me that at the time I’m preparing to wind my life down, I will be granted the gift of my youth: a child.

Do you know she laughed when God told her that?

Awkward response. I can relate. Her mind probably flooded with all the reasons why she shouldn’t be the carrier of a story that would only point back to Him. I sometimes imagine how God responds when He gets to give the gift of a lifetime …the one thing that person had taken to His feet time and time again.

When I picture the joy He must have, I can’t help but worship Him. Me — who has a lot more freedom in writing than I do in outward expression (there is safety in hiding behind a blog) — can’t help but squeal with delight.

And I did.

Had the court date happened when it was supposed to, my response to the outcome would have been much more measured. I would have woken up Friday morning, phone glued to my side, prepared to receive either set of news. (I had just heard the night before about a family who had failed court 11 times. It wouldn’t have been unusual to fail this first time and while I prayed with belief that we’d pass I knew in the back of my mind God might, again, choose delay.)

But it came early.

And I was unprepared and unashamed. I jumped up and down around the house with intermittent shouts, like a blow horn at a college football game. (Yes, my agency coordinator was still on the phone at that time.) When I called Nate (who was at a coffee shop) I think it took me three tries to get the words out. And my husband who has much less reserve than I do walked outside, threw his arms in the air and hollered “WOOOOO HOOOO HOOO!” in the middle of downtown (I was actually proud of him that he stepped outside to let out his victory cry ).

All the glory to you, God. What a gift. Eden and Caleb are … ours.

********************

What Happens Next

So, we’re still in shock. It’s slowly sinking in. And we wait and pray that sweet Eden passes the Tuberculosis test which all children over 2 are required by the US Embassy to take (any children with TB must stay in country for 6 months to receive treatment before coming to the states). We also wait to receive an embassy date at the US consulate in Addis to obtain visas for our kids to bring them home — which will determine when we travel. We are praying God would open doors for us to leave early-July but likely won’t know until a week or two before we get on that plane.

If we travel when we’re hoping to, we essentially have a little over 3 weeks to pack for parenting. I’ve been thinking about sleeping with our to-do list, just so I don’t lose sight of it. Let’s just hope the glow doesn’t wear off before we travel, otherwise my currently patient-with-my-planning husband might choose to send me to Ethiopia early.

********************

Thank you God for this victory.

Psalm 145: 1-3
I will extol You, my God, O King;
And I will bless Your name forever and ever.
Every day I will bless You,
And I will praise Your name forever and ever.
Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised;
And His greatness is unsearchable

How Does One Pass Court … 3 Days Earlier Than Their Scheduled Court Date?

Well, I’m not quite sure.

But we did.

And they are now legally ours.

(Our agency coordinator may have lost hearing in one ear after my response to the news she delivered to me at 11:30am today.)

More details later … no time for blogging, too much to celebrate.

We are undone by His faithfulness.

He who promised is faithful.

78 Hours

In approximately 78 hours the courts will open in Ethiopia and our case will be heard.

There are some outside variables that will need to be in place that from my naked eye seem fairly impossible . . . but I know there is no challenge too great for our God. These circumstances afford for an even greater display of His glory in Eden & Caleb’s homecoming.

Over the past 2 and a half months since we first learned of them, He has not ceased to show Himself faithful. Caleb was healed from pneumonia. Eden survived the temporary loss of her brother from the orphanage. Eden’s distended belly has shrunk and her balding head from malnourishment has begun to grow hair. She was caught on camera laughing. Caleb was quick to follow.

Friends who have met our children tell us that she’s got spunk and his spirit is sweet. She loves to get playfully teased by her friends and he could be held for hours.

They are more than real, they are ours. And the Father that is more real than Nate or I will ever be, has been holding them close.

I suppose the strangest thing about all of this is that life for them today, tomorrow, Thursday and Friday will seem relatively untouched. Same daily routine. Same nannies to care for them. Same meals.

Yet in just a matter of days they may take on a new name.

We are so grateful he has raised up people all over the country to ask on our behalf that He would bring our children home. Please keep praying! Pray with us that God would set these solitary ones in our family (Psalm 68).

Here’s a sneak peak of the room we have waiting for them … (semi-themed with colors of the Ethiopian flag):

More pictures later of the most exciting part of their room (their color-coded closet, of course!)

One Week Countdown

One week from tonight — next Friday morning/Thursday night at approximately 1am (EST) — the courts will open in Ethiopia and our case will be heard sometime between the hours of 1am and 9am. You think we’ll be able to sleep?

While we don’t know a lot about what happens during that court case, we have learned that some challenging details need to come into place that day for Caleb and Eden to be declared ours in the eyes of Ethiopia. To put it bluntly, nothing short of a miracle from the Lord will make this case pass.

If we pass court we have one last major hurdle — Eden will need to get a Tuberculosis test (because she is over the age of 2 — a requirement from the U.S.) and she will need to be clear of Tuberculosis.

Once these two things happen, we’re Addis bound!

A dear friend whose court case was heard last night or possibly being heard right now (yep, you bet I’m on pins and needles waiting to hear the news) spent the week-in-waiting in between pleas before God cleaning the grout in her bathroom and alphabetizing her spices. Nesting at it’s best.

All I have to say is: poor Nate. All this waiting has afforded almost every corner of our house to be organized. The only untouched corner of our house is his office in our basement. Depending upon how this week goes, we may have our very own Extreme Home Makeover.

Sifted Prayers

In my mind there are two types of desperate prayers.

There are those that come from a place of fear and anxiety, as if to say “God, if I don’t get this I don’t know how I will live.” And then there are those that I’ve coined “sifted prayers”. Unfortunately I know the former all too well.

As vivid as if it happened yesterday–I had a moment this past winter where the curtain was pulled back a bit on my motives.

I was at our church — which I must say is one of the most fertile little stomping grounds I’ve ever seen! (Baby boutiques, here is your market). Anyone who has struggled with delay in their dreams could admit to the allure of sin in the form of jealousy when confronted with others who have that very thing for which they long. What is very real and natural pain–that creeps up when I’m reminded of the family I don’t yet have–can, on occasion, turn green with envy.

I hate that.

On this particular Sunday, my heart felt as if I’d just pulled it out of the rinse cycle, soaking with the heaviness of delay. Sometimes it’s the seemingly forever-long adoption process that triggers this … and other times, it’s just the desire to engage in the “rite-of-passage” of pregnancy leading to motherhood.

So as my lips went through the motions of reciting the songs on the screen, the Lord brought a vision before my eyes. I saw a picture of the cross and on that cross was nailed the word “family.”

Although I don’t remember the exact words He spoke, the gist was His inquiry: will you follow Me even if I never give you a family? Will you surrender your life to me even if these dreams never come to fruition? The sobering reality was my response:

As much as I wanted to say “yes”, I just wasn’t there.

Instead the bitterness of gall rose up in me. While I was saddened by my response I knew this wasn’t a time to just give the right answer. Essentially He was saying Sara, it’s time to lay it down.

The days that followed required much from me. I laid out my testimony of grief before Him … and really before myself. I realized what had ensued as a result of this “clinging” to the promise, initially, was that first kind of desperate prayer. I played the scenarios out in my mind … if the adoption had fallen through (as so many times I’d feared it would)… if we’d never have biological children…if we’d watched our friends not only pass through parenthood, but then also onto grandparenthood–while we were sidelined… Could I still follow God? Could I still live a surrendered life? Could I still worship Him? Could I still say, as Job did, “blessed be your name”?

This is where the Holy Spirit came in. After a few days of sitting in these questions He had asked of me, a response came from within me that was so “other”. I knew this wasn’t just the right answer. It was the real answer.

YES.

Yes, Lord, I will follow you unto to death even if I never see the promise. I will live a life solely unto you, even if I never taste the sweetness of holding so close a child that is mine, even if I never know intimately the joys of being a parent.

It was as if a bridge was set out before me on the day that “YES” came. I got an invitation. No longer did I need to stay in the place of desperate-out-of-fear prayer …He had given me a sieve. Or maybe He was the sieve.

It may have been easy to end the journey of prayer right there. Knowing that this question of God had prompted a soul searching that led me to say He was all I wanted…and that I would be satisfied if all I had was Him was by no means insignificant and was an end in itself. However, I couldn’t — and still can’t — deny what came out of that.

Sifted prayers. Desperate prayers. His prayers.

No longer did I need to pray out of a place of fear. My vision got clearer. A partnered heart — trusting, resting in God’s ultimate sovereignty, yet unrelenting in prayer for His promises to come to fruition is powerful.

Why am I writing about this now?

Cause I’m here again.

We’re so close and now we have real identities on the other end of the wait. Any of you parents reading this — imagine the thought of your child, half-way around the world under care that you aren’t overseeing. It’s maddening. I want them home.

But this morning as I prayed it was as if that sieve was rolled out from a corner of the room, circling round-and-round to a stop right in front me.

His questions came again. Will I trust Him to be sovereign if we don’t pass court? Will I still follow Him whole-heartedly if the delay continues and my children have to spend more time in an orphanage?

The wrestling wasn’t as long this time — but I wrestled before my YES came forward.

And then, what I think was the sifted prayers …

Will I pray before June 12th, day-and-night, for God to bring justice for these orphans? Will I not relent in the face of discouraging facts on the ground (more cases not passing court, more children waiting lengthier times for their homecoming)? Will I pray God’s word back to Him that He promises to put the lonely in families and give the barren women a home, “like a joyful mother of children”?

You better believe it.

No time for shrinking back. Lord, bring them home.

June 12th

I have a new compassion for every pregnant mom who is even just a day past her due date.

I have to admit … I never quite understood the gripes of friends who were waiting past their due date for that baby to come. Until now.

My ankles aren’t swollen. My wedding band still comes off my finger easily, without soap. I have no odd rashes and my body temperature still feels pretty normal. I don’t even have stretch marks! Yet the news we got yesterday that our court date has been corrected to June 12th — not June 9th — wasn’t exactly welcomed with open arms.

3 more days?

Almost everything about this process is a metaphor to running for me.

When I did some running training for a friend’s daughter, I remember there were times when — after she naturally thought she would be on her last leg — I would tell her “one more lap.”

Ok, Lord, I get it: one more lap …

So … our big focus right now is prayer that we would “pass court” — the terminology adoptive parents use. My estimate is that about 70% of cases pass court. The other 30% that don’t pass then have to be re-assigned another court date (typically a month later), in hopes they get all the necessary paperwork together that wasn’t satisfactory at the first court date, there and ready for the second one.

We’re praying we’re one of the 70% that will pass court. The courts in Ethiopia close in August and September for their rainy season, so our window of time is somewhat narrow. If/when we pass court, in the eyes of Ethiopia, they are legally our children. That’s the “due date” here .

Then, assuming that happens, we’re looking at traveling mid to late July (praying for mid July!). More details later in another post about just what happens between court and our travel …and why we have to wait 5-7 weeks after court before traveling to get them.

In the meantime, though those 3 extra days seem like an eternity … there’s no denying that I’ve gone into labor. These babies are comin’! It’s just a matter of time!

We Have A Court Date!!!!!

I remember vividly getting my first ten speed. It was a Christmas gift that my whole family was in on, but me of course. When my parents wheeled it out Christmas morning, the delight in my dad’s eyes has forever been seared in my memory.

We took it for a spin that day. Yes, we were riding bikes on Christmas day in Ohio. Why not?

Today I felt that Father’s delight as my phone rang and the caller ID read “IAN.”

Our coordinator was calling to deliver the news that we have a court date. June 9th.

On June 9th, if all the paperwork is in line, Eden and Caleb will officially be ours in the eyes of Ethiopia.

And if all goes well in the weeks after (more details later on what needs to come together), we will be traveling half way around the world in mid-July to pick up these no-longer-orphans.

My heavenly Dad loves me …a whole lot. And I think He had that same sparkle in his eye that my Dad did on Christmas day not so long ago. He just couldn’t wait to surprise me with the news.

May the glory — all the glory — go to God on this day for moving yet another paperwork mountain to bring our children home.

Resistance Training

I’m feeling pouty.

It’s this two-year old thing that rises up in me on occasion. Much like someone who frequently gets migraines and has the ability to detect the onset, I’ve become a master at identifying early warning signs of pout.

I’ll spare you the details, as this grumpiness deserves no glory.

One thing I’ve noticed, though, is that this self-pity tends to come at times when I feel like God is most calling me to prayer. It’s a finely-crafted distraction which enters the scene just in time to prevent me from keeping my eyes fixed on His long-term agenda and my short-term engagement with that agenda. (Really, my engagement with Him.)

So as I wrestle with this wait for a court date, and the unexpected delays that have had us waiting while others have breezed through this mile marker and onto the next … I suppose the victory at this stage is that I have finally resolved to glean as much out of the waiting as I can.

We so often see the “waiting room” as only a kind of purgatorial necessity before the “real” thing you’re waiting for happens. And while I believe the Lord wants us to persevere for these children, and their homecoming, there is life to be had in the waiting room.

So today, in response to the tantrum simmering in my heart over this long wait for a court date, I pray through this verse:

For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him. 2 Chronicles 16:9

His eyes are here …on me, on us … His eyes are in Ethiopia … on Eden on Caleb. And this morning I pray God, give me a heart that is loyal to you.

But my prayer wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t also pray ... show yourself strong on my behalf.

I want to be one who waits with EXPECTATION of the One who is able. The whole waiting process changes when I choose to believe He has good things in store for me. He hasn’t brought me this far to smite me. Seems simple but this pouty little heart of mine needs reminding that there is still a glory to be revealed on the other end of the waiting.

Running for long enough in a resistance pool (called the “waiting room”) makes you all the more agile when it’s just flat road ahead of you. While I haven’t yet seen this with my own eyes (athletes with stubborn hearts like mine tend to need more time running with resistance) — it’s what my Coach keeps telling me .

Please pray we get a court date soon …

Prayer for Katya

Some dear friends are in the process of adopting an eight year old from Ukraine. The story of how this little girl fell into their arms is one only God can orchestrate. We’ve had the privilege of seeing it all first-hand!

Many of you who read this blog pray and Nate and I are convinced God has heard your prayers, your cries, for our children and He has moved some seemingly impossible obstacles as a result. Now I would ask that those of you who pray would lift up this precious orphan, Katya, today and her court case … that God would move mightily to bring her home SOON.

Today, my prayer has been God, you are the God who “opens doors that no one can shut” (Revelation 3:7), will you open doors quickly to bring Katya home?!

Check out her soon-to-be parents’ blog for details: Welcoming Katya

Paperwork Corrected and Completed!

THANK YOU to all of you who prayed for God to make a way through this paperwork maze — we got word today that the paperwork for Eden and Caleb is complete!!

Oh, thank you Lord.

The error has been fixed and our paperwork has now been placed in the hands of the Ministry of Women’s Affairs (MOWA) and they will assign us a court date. It could be anywhere from two to four weeks before we hear about that court date. We are praying it would come SOON and that our court date would be in early to mid June.

Once the court date occurs (and we pass), we’ll be assigned the embassy appointment–typically 3-4 weeks after the court date, and is when we’ll travel to go get ‘em.

We want to get those babies home!

We are thanking God today for moving mountains on our behalf … He is doing a great work in our family! He has heard our prayers!

Piecing Together Their Personalities

It’s the strangest thing to have both a deep maternal connection to these children and yet have never met them.

I fall asleep praying for them. I have found myself oftentimes waking at 2 or 3am (when it is 9 or 10am in Addis) wondering what they are doing. I’ve been asking God to give me His unique insights into who they are, so that I can pray into their very personality.

I can probably describe to you each of her little chubby toes or his crazy-long eyelashes hiding what often appears to be pouty eyes. And they both have the same eyebrows.

But I’ve never met them.

While we put new shelves in the closet to hold their clothes and assemble bed frames, they have little to no awareness that their life will be anything beyond what they are living now in the orphanage. I had chills as I turned off the light in their room last night. It won’t be long before those empty beds will be inhabited by my sleeping African babies. Two simultaneous threads — our lives here getting ready; their lives there, solitary — will soon intersect … forever.

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We’ve had lots of exciting new pieces to add to the puzzle being created–without a “box-top” to guide us. A friend of Nate’s parents (who has quickly become one of our friends), and a pediatric nurse, was able to get permission from our agency to visit the children this past weekend. (She was in Ethiopia for a two-week medical mission trip.)

She sent us pictures and … get this …video footage. Twelve and a half minutes of our precious ones that I have watched at least five times. I almost have it memorized. We then chatted with her on the phone for a while last night to glean every possible detail she might be able to give us. This woman was clearly a mom — 5 times over, I think — as she knew exactly the info for which we’d be hunting.

Here’s what we’ve learned:

• The girls at the orphanage like to kiss Eden’s cheeks — which, I might add are getting quite a bit larger since she first arrived at the orphanage (We found a wonderfully all-natural toddler formula that we’ve been sending over.)
• Caleb has some sass. While he eventually warmed up to our friend and her Ethiopian companion, he wasn’t about to have some stranger taking pictures of him … as evidence by tears and the cutest little cry. (We like that he is able to distinguish between stranger and friend — a good sign of future attachment. However, we’re bracing for a bumpy introduction )
• Our friend suspects Caleb might be older than Eden — maybe even as old as 3.5?!?
• Eden already has taken to accessories. She spent much of the video we saw mesmerized by our friends’ earrings.
• The nannies say Eden is smart. Takes after her dad, already!
• Our friend and her Ethiopian companion (who works for a large adoption agency in Addis) had nothing but good things to say about the orphanage and the care these children are receiving. Ahhh …they are in good hands until we arrive.

I must say, however, we were slightly disheartened by the absence of any sign of a smile from either of the children in the videos and pictures. We have been assured by our friend and her companion, both very familiar with orphans, that this is to be expected. They are, after all, recovering from a significant rupture in their lives, as well as severe malnourishment.

Then, today, after I’d been walking this morning praying “Lord, restore Eden’s joy” we got an email from two of the moms who are right now at the orphanage picking up their children. “We got pictures of Eden [but they used her Ethiopian name which we can't publish] smiling! She is amazing.”

That’s my little girl.

Thank you Lord. Both responding to my prayers …and sending me word that you’ve done so.

Please keep praying for our paperwork to move quickly through the hands of the Ministry of Women’s Affairs. The latest court dates assigned at our agency were for May 29th. We are praying that ours will be soon to follow!!

Why Pray?

I think I have about six other posts with this title, mostly because this question has made a permanent settlement in my mind.

I guess it would be better phrased Why Keep Asking?

With some of the adversity we’ve faced in and outside of our adoption over the past year or two I have seen the unending sweetness of God. I feel like I’ve fallen in love again with the God I truly came to know when I was 15 (I wonder if I’ll say that every few years …or months). The pain has been a gift. I have known just a wee bitty portion of His suffering and it’s become a beckoning.

So if so much good is coming from the pain, and the pain is coming in many ways from all the stinkin’ delays in our lives … why pray to God for breakthrough? Why keep asking? This has been the question that would likely make my quote-board — if I had one.

It’s been about 16 months and 10 days since I started asking this question and every few months I feel like I get a little fuller picture of the answer, which still is nil compared to all I’m sure is available to explore in God’s mind and heart on this topic.

At times every part of me has resisted praying for breakthrough — asking for the blessing of children — in the face of what I have lived day-to-day. Honestly, it’s easier not to ask and to just accept accept that God is God and will do what He wants to do and go on with my life. Unfortunately I have this nagging thing in me that won’t let it go …not the children thing, but the prayer thing.

This week another piece of revelation came. I was reading this verse:

But without faith, it is impossible to please Him… Hebrews 11:6

There’s more in this verse that’s pretty cool but the bottom line is that God can be pleased by my faith. What?! Yes, there are things I can do that will please Him, even delight Him. And faith is one of them. He likes it.

The most recent pictures which some other adoptive moms in our agency brought home of our children from the orphanage show our kids yet without smiles. One of the moms even said, “Sara, my only concern is we never saw them smile.”

Now, I do have a picture from my friend Liz of Eden smiling … so, I know it’s anatomically possible. But the image in my brain of these two teeny sibs–hanging close and fearful of the world around them which speaks a different language than they do (they are from a remote part of Ethiopia), likely wondering how the heck they got where they did–absolutely breaks my heart.

And you better believe it breaks His heart. I know He is giving me the things of His heart to carry — my heart for these children being just one of those things.

But the other new piece for me, just this week, is that He likes it when I come to Him with prayers of faith for these children. This is how I please God … by praying in faith.

My list of big, seemingly impossible, only-God-can-do-this sort of prayers is ever-so-slowly growing in the past few days since this verse cracked open in my mind …not least of which is that we would travel soon to get these kids and love them until the smiles come. Very soon. Sooner than soon. This is my prayer. Wanna pray with me?

Lots o’ news!

This post is going to be a jumbled mess, as I have a lot of information I want to deliver and not a lot of time to write. Forgive the typos and interchanged words (writing fast is a nightmare for dyslexics like em).

Paperwork Update – We received word today that the children’s paperwork is not missing but there was an error on it. It’s being corrected and will hopefully be resolved next week. Thank you God! Missing paperwork seems a lot more dire than just something that needs some white-out, right? (…what little we Americans understand about the international paperwork process!)

As I’ve asked God how to pray for this paperwork and for these kids, and the response I’ve sensed is do not relent. While at moments my tiredness speaks louder in my ear than my God-imparted resolve and I want to give up fighting in prayer . . . His instruction to me has seemed to be  I did not give up on you. Hence, I press on. Caleb and Eden are burned in His heart. And my prayer life is daily growing as a result.

He is using my children and the redemption of their lives to teach me how to pray. (Thanks for taking the class with me.)

Kiddo Update – A friend from our agency went to pick up her son this week and came home with stories about our children. I have treasured these in my heart. They are both being potty trained — she described how patient they sat on their little potty seats (oh, they have little potty seats!) in such a way that made me want to scoop them up and give them zerberts! It seems from all accounts we’ve gotten that they are both very shy and somewhat fearful of strangers. They apparently share a bottom bunk at the orphanage and stay very close.

While I have to admit that reports of compliant, obedient children (which is what we continue to hear) are somewhat of a relief, I can’t help but ache over what appears to be hearts in need of some deep TLC. I can’t wait to tickle, to cuddle, to tuck in at night.

Her final words in the email were “they seem very close.” As I suspected, they truly are best buds. Thank you, Lord, for giving them each other.

The Revolution – Finally, an update would not be complete if I didn’t share about the revolution that has entered our home.

The Bob Revolution.

Or as we affectionately call it: “the double bob.”

While Nate and I are not at all into making our home “baby-fied” with all the latest and greatest kid stuff, there are a few modern inventions that seem more necessary than indulgent. The all-terrain stroller being one of them.

From the woman who hates grocery shopping because I always get stuck with the cart that has faulty alignment or one lame wheel, having a stroller that moves as quick as I do is key.

(Note: just because I move quick doesn’t mean it’s without a hitch. Nate wouldn’t let me take the stroller out in the neighborhood for a practice run so I was forced to set up a course in my house. On its maiden voyage, the double bob took out one of the stools in my kitchen only to leave it missing a significant piece of wood.)

This thing can climb any mountain, go through any stream, and would probably serve as a good line of defense should we encounter a bear on any of our day hikes.

So, if you can’t decide between a security system, an in-home fitness center, or a stroller. . . the “double bob” is your solution. Although they are a pretty penny I must say we got a sweet deal — nothing like buying a Lexus for the price of a Ford.

Now all we need is two precious little partners in crime and we’re ready to go!

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So…that’s all the news, wrapped up into one post! The biggest news–that the paperwork issue may soon be drawing to a close–well, it’s more welcome than you can imagine.

“Home” from the Hospital!

We just now heard word from our agency that sweet Caleb is home from the hospital! While we heard from multiple sources that he was getting the best care possible there … we are so grateful to know he is back with his sister at the orphanage.

As I think I may have posted earlier, they are from a more remote region of Ethiopia (some of you coffee aficionados — if you drink Ethiopian coffee — may very well be gleaning from beans grown in their home town). We learned from our friends Liz and Chris that our children do not speak Amharic, the language spoken at the orphanage in Addis. While they are likely learning words and phrases in Amharic since they’ve been there only one of the nannies at the orphanage speaks their language.

The thought of Eden being without her best bud — one who spoke her language, even if just for a few words — broke our hearts. (And did she even understand, after the loss in her life, that he was coming back?)

They are now back together!

We are still praying fervently for God to highlight this missing paperwork and put it in the hands of our in-country staff so that we can move towards a court date. Please continue to pray with us!

I can’t wait to tell them …

… one day.

There is an ever growing list in my mind (and, of course, electronic file on my computer) of “keepsakes” — stories, prayers, crazy “coincidences” that could only be God — that fall under the heading of “I can’t wait to tell Eden and Caleb one day.”

Yesterday another one of those happened.

We told our church, as I’ll tell you now (because we would LOVE your prayers), about how the process of getting a court date has been slowed up a bit due to some paperwork-related delays for Eden and Caleb. They don’t yet have all the necessary elements that need to be submitted to receive a court date in Ethiopia.

Every potential delay has its sting, this most recent one especially so, as it may mean more time for them waiting in an orphanage and not here getting the nutrients and medical care their little bodies need. Not to mention the hugs and kisses .

Yesterday as we shared the news at church, a dear friend asked the entire church to join up in twos and threes and pray that God would produce the necessary paperwork to bring little Caleb and Eden home soon. As I stood watching this 100+ group, some with tear-filled eyes, asking God to have mercy, I added a note to that mental file. I can’t wait to tell them about all the prayers sown into their journey home. I can’t wait to tell them the lengths He went to set them into a family.

Would you join us this week in asking God to move all the necessary mountains — and soon — to bring them home?

Potty Trained?!?

As far as we know, Caleb is still in the hospital but the most recent word is that he has been improving. Please keep praying!!

Today I corresponded with another mom who just returned from picking up her son at the same orphanage where our kids are. The few details she gave us brought me SUCH JOY. She said the nannies were very loving with Eden (oh, thank you God!) and

… that she is currently being potty trained.

My heart stung for a moment. We are missing this mile marker in her life. I imagine this feeling will become familiar in the months and years to come as we’re reminded of infant and newly toddler moments that happened outside of our watch. There are two or three whole years of their lives that we will never know about (apart, of course, from the sweet secrets God may reveal to us as we pray).

But, I must confess … there was also a competing relief rising up in me. A feat many a friend has moaned about — the transition away from the all-too-comfortable diaper — is one I will likely be by-passing. At least with one of my kiddos.

No Longer Orphans

Thank you to everyone who is praying! Please press on in prayer for our little ones. As we’ve prayed we’ve sensed that God wants us to partner with Him in fighting for these precious hearts and lives in prayer.

We haven’t heard word yet about Caleb — which we’re assuming still means he is in the hospital.

In one of the pictures we received from our friend Liz who visited the orphanage, Eden is holding one finger out — sort of like someone coached her to say “I’m #1!”

Nate: “Do you think that’s what she was motioning in the picture?”

Me: “Hmmm … probably not. I’m not sure that’s a common gesture in the rural parts of Ethiopia.”

(And he seems to think he got a better education than I did.)

I think the weirdest thing as of late is all of a sudden I’ve forgotten we’re adopting orphans. Today as I told a friend about their medical needs, the words “my son is in the hospital” rolled off my tongue. That’s it. He is my son. She is my daughter. Although still living as such until we can bring them home, they are no longer orphans. God has demonstrated the depth of His heart for the broken — He has put them in a home. Our home.  (Yeah, and talk to me about how I feel like the most loved person on the planet that God would give us a gift like this.) And it feels so natural. So normal.

It’s as if I can not imagine these first additions to our family any other way.

Please Pray

We received word tonight that Caleb has been admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. We knew he had this, however, it must have gotten worse as they admitted him today. Simultaneous to this news we received a close-up picture of our little girl with a distended (enlarged) belly … unusually large as a result of this malnourishment. It just broke my heart.

Would you join us in lifting up these little ones?

The prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up. James 5:15

I’m In Love…

Tonight felt like the first time I’ve caught my breath in two weeks. From tracking down specialized formula for children with malnourishment (and getting it in the hands of people headed to Ethiopia), to researching the possibility of medical visas for these two and everything in between … I’ve barely had time to take in what has just happened.

Our basement is beginning to accrue things like car seat carriers, hand-me-down clothes and even a back-pack like carrier for toddlers. Today we moved books out of the office into the basement, to prepare for the children’s room.

It sort of feels like the end of an era.

But even amidst all of this I don’t think it felt real until yesterday.

As I’ve mentioned in this blog we have two friends who have been in the Peace Corps just outside of Addis for almost two years. To make a long story short, less than a week after we got our referral, we checked with our agency for permission and these dedicated friends made the trek to the orphanage where our children were to visit with the orphans there and give us an “on-the-ground” status report.

I had no idea the ducts of stored-up love I had for these children, until–like a waterfall–they were released as I read Liz’ account of their time with Caleb and Eden.

She’s not even a mom yet, but God gave her wisdom to soak in every detail of their encounter with our children — down to the firmness of their grasp as their little fingers wrapped around hers. She and Chris toured the orphanage, held many of the children and played on the swings with our little ones. They planted prayers for our little ones’ healing, in between tickles. Eden let out a shy giggle. Caleb fell asleep on her chest.What was at first cautious, leery curiosity at these white people in their still unfamiliar world (they have only been at the orphanage a short time), soon became an opportunity for the attention and affection they unashamedly craved. They stood at the gate as Liz and Chris left and waved goodbye.

Little did they know that Liz and Chris would likely watch them grow up.

My children have no idea what’s on the other side of that gate waiting for them … in just a few months.

As we box up books, set up beds, and learn to read assembly instructions, their little hearts are building up immunity to the pain of life without parents. Oh, God, give these children hope! Is it possible at 3 1/2 to believe?

There’s so much more that came out of the email and the later, thirty-minute phone call from Liz and Chris. Our children are from a rural part of Ethiopia. They don’t speak Amharic — they speak a unique language to their tribe. Liz says they seem to communicate back and forth to one another in this “secret” tongue (I smell trouble ). The nannies at the orphanage love them well. And although their tiny bodies evidence severe malnourishment, their spirits are not broken.

The rest is written down … to soon be translated into a book that will be their “lifebook.”

I suppose the craziest part for us is that these two pictures we were given at the time of their referral that we now have plastered in almost every room of our house. . . are not just pictures. Yesterday it clicked. They are real.

Throughout this whole process, I’ve had a nagging fear that I wouldn’t feel attached. That the mommy mojo just wouldn’t kick in and I’d always sort of feel like I was babysitting someone else’s children. To the contrary, however, I look at those pictures and pray for those little faces and I know they are mine. It’s as if the spirit of adoption — straight from the heart of God — has settled itself in my heart. I have no idea what childbirth feels like, but I will never forget my dad’s description of what happened to him when my sister (their oldest) was born. A switch flipped, he said, “and I was just crazy about her.”

Like father like daughter. I am crazy about them.

And, Nate, well … he asked tonight … how soon do you think you’ll be ready to start the next adoption? I think he’s hooked.